The Monster Inside of Me

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Why is it that society has made depression and anxiety so taboo?  Does it mean I am weak? Does it mean that I lack faith? Is it my fault? Am I the one to blame?  I have mastered walking about my day with a smile on and cheery eyes. People would never know that deep down inside I have this vicious cycle going on. My head races with everything I am not and the things that I can not get done…I am not worthy nor am I good enough.  My heart sinks with a heavy black cloak because I am so hard on myself and can never reach the potential that my head says I need to be at. The two together create a verge of ADHD that keeps me bouncing and never on task and between exhausted and hyper-emotional.

It takes a moment, or sometimes a few days, to remember to breath.  Slow down!

Matthew 11:28-30 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

God says there is rest in him.  When we rest, we are not doing nothing.  We are in fact recharging. Take that time to focus on Psalms and proverbs. They will tell you everything that God is and who you are in Him.  Believe only them because they are truth. Not what the world tells us. After all, we are of the kingdom of God Not the world and all that is in it  I find that the world thinks it knows what is best for us. If we do anything contrary to the world, it tells us we are wrong. I am a firm believer in radical obedience…doing and only believing what God say and what He thinks as truth.  God’s heart is gentle and it is humble. We need to allow the same grace for ourselves. His yoke is easy and His burden is light. We put too much on ourselves and that allows the devil to get His nasty opinion of lies to seep in through the exhausted cells of our every being causing a panic attack.

2 Corinthians 10:5  We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.

I would like you to start taking notice of what the stinkin’ thinkin’ is that starts the whole anxiety and depression cycle.  Think about what you are thinking about. Many of us do not even know what starts it. Start taking every negative thought captive and give it to God.  I mean literally snatch it with your hand and give it to God. He will take it…I promise…and I only promise because God promises and I believe every word in the bible to be truth.  If you feel that He hasn’t taken it, search yourself to see if you have truly let go of the issue at hand. I find most of the time I haven’t or I picked it back up again. Then take a breath and replace it with who God says you are. He says that you are His light, His ambassador, righteous, forgiven, tendory loved, not condemned, justified, and so much more.  Replace those negative thoughts with His words of truth.

I know that this is a constant battle. I battle anxiety, depression, and ADHD on a daily basis.  You are not alone as many of us deal with this also. Some days will be hard and other days will be easier.  I ask you to be honest with how you are feeling. Face it and call it out. It does not mean that you are any less than faithful.  When you have the strength to lean on God because of it, in fact, it means that you have immense faith because you know God can fix it.  Look for the lesson in it…God is working, especially in the hard times.

In scripture we are also taught to seek wise counsel. It is so important to find a friend who is a believer and to give you spiritual advice or to just listen.  It can be easy to find the person who takes pity: as they say “misery loves company” If you are not sure who that person is, ask God to reveal her and He will. I can think of many ladies at The Connection who would love to be your friend.

I am also an advocate for receiving professional counseling. I had to explain recently to someone special to me that counselling is not laying on a couch being over dramatic and spilling it all out there like we see on TV. It’s about getting your thoughts in order, a new perspective from somebody without emotional attachment, prayer, wisdom, and learning tools needed for your situation. Great tools are a support group (friends), prayer, rest, breathing, exercise, scripture, hobbies, and there are more.

When you have accepted Jesus as your savior and allow the Holy Spirit to work in you; He will be constantly praying for you because God loves us that much.

Romans 8: 26-27  In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans.  And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God.

Breath!

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Kellie has been married for 16 years to her husband, Kevin. Together they have three children and she has a step-son (who lives with his mom). They have moved around the country many times and are finally growing their roots in their small town.

Kellie’s faith in God is extremely important to her. She has been through many mountains and valleys and the Lord has gotten her through. She loves to ride her bike, write, watch movies, and is very involved in her children’s lives. Being a Mom is her favorite role in life. She values her faith, family, love, and friendships.

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