Today was a normal day. I woke to our typical morning hustle for a family of six. I was looking forward to going to my Wednesday morning Bible study. Then the well-intentioned texts started. Family and friends that recall this very day three years ago. The gut wrenching day that I gave birth to our still-born 24-week-old son, Bradley Quinn….
Deep breath, I’m fine.
Why does everyone treat me as if I’m a fragile piece of glass on this day?
There it was. A heavy weight. A weight that wasn’t there when I woke up. A weight that I wanted to shake off. A weight that was very familiar over the last three years.
No, really! I’m FINE.
Why does everyone have to remind me of that very hard day? I’m fine…but that weight! What is it about? Another well-intentioned text comes through.
I’M FINE.
In the van ready to pull away from the house, my husband runs out to say goodbye. He gave me a hug and gives me that “concerned” look and I say, “I’m fine”.
But it was still there … was it grief? What was it? Driving down the road I begin to pray and the Holy Spirit brought a verse to mind.
Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside EVERY WEIGHT, and sin which CLINGS so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us. Hebrews 12:1
Suddenly, I’m looking in the rear-view mirror. My littles, I call them. The younger two of our four kids. Overwhelmed by feeling blessed to be called mom. These kids! They bless me. They challenge me!
Who has time for this “weight”? I have life to live, joy to choose, kids to raise. I’m consumed by the blessings of my life. I have a race set before me!
Later, I looked up “weight” as referenced in this verse to find that the Greek translation holds the meaning to the encumbrance of a burden. God wants me to cast this “burden” aside. What?!?
Yes, of course! Just as He is asking us to toss aside those sins. You are forgiven. You are free. You are white as snow. Cast it aside. Stop picking your cross up and holding onto that guilt of sin. The price has been paid. Repent. YOU ARE FREE. Now run. Feel that freedom. You are set free!
You see, I’m not diminishing what happened with Bradley and the impact it had on not just me but my children and husband. Grief is real. I’m just stating that I have been freed from the weight that could hinder me. The weight of deep grief. My God has brought beauty out of the ashes. There is no need to hold onto that.
He has redeemed me. He has filled me with a peace that surpasses ALL understanding. He has used that event over the last three years to refine me. To grow me. To grow me closer to Him, closer to my husband, and other women who have and are experiencing such loss.
What weight or burden are you carrying? May I challenge you to keep our God in the center of that burden? Make Him your focus and allow Him to take that weight. He wants your burdens…
If you do choose God in the center of the weight, I promise He will refine you and redeem you. That’s what He does. But there’s a catch. You must bring it to Him. Allow Him to be that in your life. Even those weights we sometimes cling to.
You see I AM fine… No, I’m more than fine. I’m a conqueror through Him who loves me! (Romans 8:37)
For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yolk of slavery. Galatians 5:1
Mary Bender and her husband Norman live in Greencastle, PA. They have three energetic boys, and one adorable little girl.
Mary counts herself as being truly blessed to be a stay at home mom to her four “littles”. In addition to being a wife and mother Mary uses her God given gifts to serve in women’s ministry at her church, LCBC, as a life group leader. Mary also uses her passion for women’s ministry for serve on the board of directors for The Connection.
It is Mary’s desire to serve and encourage women to have genuine faith while building a home and raising her children.
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