My past life events left me feeling shame, guilt, and worthlessness.
I felt stuck in a mundane life. I had morphed into being what I thought others wanted me to be. My true identity was nowhere to be found. I believed the lie of I’m not good enough which took root in my heart.
One day I took a look in the mirror with disgust and thought, “I’m just ready to be done.” I opened the medicine cabinet door and began downing any pills I could find.
Really, it wasn’t the fact I that was done. I just didn’t know how to cry out and ask for help.
This led me to cry out to my husband from the bathroom. He took me to the hospital were the beginning of finding my identity started.
I think about the first day while in the inpatient facility. Looking around I thought, “Do I belong here?”
I did because that moment was no accident.
One day, a man sat with me during an activity time. We talked about many things including where he was from.
When it was time to move on to our next activity, the man handed a picture to me which read at the bottom…
“Thank you very much. The best things for Lindsey & her family & her children. Jesus help you.”
JESUS?
Who’s that?
I always heard of God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit throughout my life but never was ready to receive Him or could have imagine He’d come to tell me of him through the form of Scooby Doo!
In 2015, I made the life-changing decision to follow Jesus.
I found proclaiming JESUS over myself instead of “I’M NOT GOOD ENOUGH” has been such an eye-opening experience of finding who I am.
Let me share this verse with you:
“For sin will have no dominion over you, since you are not under law but under grace” Romans 6:14
Over time, I have found GRACE is something we don’t deserve but is given to us freely with nothing else asked in return. I’ve repented my past mistakes. I’ve felt forgiveness because of what Jesus did for me on the cross. It has been through my faith in Christ that I’ve been forgiven. And, If God of this universe can forgive me and believes I am enough to be forgiven, then I can certainly forgive myself. I was able to let go of the shame and guilt that harden my heart for so long.
“But because of His great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved.” -Ephesians 2:4-5
In finding myself and my identity in Christ, I now see a reflection of who I am not – which was a slave to my sin. Instead, with God’s grace, I see that I am good enough because I am God’s daughter. I am Chosen. I am redeemed. Set free. Worthy. Forgiven. And most importantly I am loved so much by my Father that nothing could ever separate His love for me.
Because of His love, we have been put here on this earth for a reason. For a purpose.
Here is what I’ve thought about…
What if that man wasn’t brave enough to share Jesus with me in the way he did?
Well then, maybe I wouldn’t have received Jesus.
What if I were to have walked into a church and didn’t feel a welcoming greeting?
Well then, maybe I have would have walked away with feeling judged or that I didn’t matter.
What if I didn’t have anyone reaching out to me to guide me in truth & wisdom of the way to follow Christ?
Then, I may have never known God’s word.
You see, we have been designed and created for a purpose.
This is a poem by Russell Kelfer that I found referenced in the book by Rick Warren’s “The Purpose Driven Life: What on Earth am I here for?”:
You are who you are for a reason.
You’re part of an intricate plan.
You’re a precious and perfect unique design,
Called God’s special woman or man.
You look like you look for a reason.
Our God made no mistake.
He knit you together within the womb,
You’re just what he wanted to make.
The parents you had were the ones he chose,
And no matter how you may feel,
They were custom-designed with God’s plan in mind.
And they bear the Master’s seal.
No, that trauma you faced was not easy.
And God wept that it hurt you so;
But it was allowed to shape your heart
So that into his likeness you’d grow.
You are who you are for a reason,
You’ve been formed by the Master’s rod.
You are who you are, beloved
Because there is a God!”
If you have ever doubted your existence or why things happen, rest in Jesus. He will bring forth your true identity and come to find there is no part too small in the big plan God has for each of us. Each part of our life has been no accident but a way to grow us closer to the identity God has given us.
Lindsey Montejo
**Click HERE to download the above poem as a printable PDF. It can be trimmed to fit an 8×10 frame.
**Want to learn more? What’s life all about? Why are we here? Find out HERE.
Lindsey Montejo lives in York,PA. She counts herself blessed to be a wife to her husband, Aaron, and a mother to her three daughters: Layla, Jessi, and Natalie. She serves on The Connection’s 365 Devotional team and hopes that she brings others closer in relationship to Jesus.
Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” has been a verse Lindsey holds dear to her heart as she found that because of Jesus there is hope and there is a future when resting in the peace only God can provide.
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