What 20 Years Can Do

It was that fun deck the halls time between Thanksgiving and Christmas—the season when holiday magic kicks into high gear.

My new boyfriend and I were enjoying a dinner date when his phone rang. His mother needed help finding and transporting a new artificial Christmas tree. She was at the store right now and wanted to know if he could please come.  

"Of course you should go help your mama," I said.

We paid the check and headed out since my boyfriend insisted I come along. I nervously agreed...because I hadn't met mama yet.

We arrived to find her waiting patiently for her son to come to the rescue. She smiled when she spotted him walking toward her, but then her expression shifted. Stern? Frustrated? Whatever it was, she clearly wasn't thrilled that her son had brought a tag-along.

I plastered on a smile and braced myself.

She showed her son the tree she'd been considering, asking only for his opinion. She then  began briskly walking to another store to show us option number two. And when I say briskly... this woman could speed walk. I was practically jogging to keep up.

I was a baby Christian at the time, and my church had been teaching on loving others. This felt like a test.

The words from I Corinthians 13 came to my mind:  Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

Fast forward twenty years:  the boyfriend is now my husband.    

And my husband's mama is my mama too.

There have been countless opportunities for that verse to refine each of us, and I'm reflecting on this today after what just happened.

You see, mama had a stroke this past December, and since then, I've become her caretaker.

She's still just as strong-willed. As I follow behind her while she shuffles from room to room—making sure she doesn't fall—I'm reminded of how beautiful love truly is.

I'm still running behind her. Not to keep up this time, but to keep her safe.

I can't fully explain the transformation in my heart or hers over these twenty years, except to say this: love—God's 1 Corinthians 13 kind of love—has grown a bond so very deep.

The lesson? Don't let the difficult people in your life pass by. Love them. Love them the way God calls you to love them. It's not about them. It's not about you. It's about what God calls us to do—and trusting Him with the rest.

"Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love." — 1 John 4:8

"We love because he first loved us." — 1 John 4:19

To love others well is to experience God's best for your life. The next time you find it hard to love the unlovable, imagine what God can do..

"Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins." — 1 Peter 4:8

 Mary Bender

Mary Bender is a wife, mom of four, and passionate encourager of women. Based in
Greencastle, PA, she and her husband Norm are raising three boys and a girl. Mary considers it her greatest privilege to be saved by Christ and called to the meaningful work of motherhood.

She serves in women's ministry at Antrim BIC and as Board President for The Connection, where she also leads social media and promotions, using her gifts to support the ministry.